


F I E R C E L Y

by gorgon



Series: I AM TALKING ABOUT EVIL. IT BLOOMS. IT EATS. IT GRINS. [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, F/M, Jealousy, Partner Betrayal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 14:59:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6380854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gorgon/pseuds/gorgon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"How was I supposed to know that you loved me?!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	F I E R C E L Y

**Author's Note:**

> Another late night angsty drabble that poured out of me in a time of weakness.

You stood on the bridge of the Finalizer, backs facing one another. You couldn't look at him, you wouldn't look at him. You and Kylo were the only ones on the bridge, and given the time you would be the only ones for quite sometime. You found yourself peering out of the viewport, the starlight seeping in and covering you as well as the black slate floor. You just wanted Kylo to leave, to get out of your space. You felt his energy from across the room, not daring to turn around to give him the satisfaction of checking on him.

To you, Kylo was everything. You were assigned by Captain Phasma to take care of him, even though he pretended like he didn't need someone to take care of him. You knew better. Kylo Ren was a walking human disaster, and above all, he was human. Amazingly enough, he forgot that a lot of the time. So in times of need, you were there for him. On Hoth, when a cortosis projectile should have taken his life, it instead incinerated the chest piece of your armor.

 _You're supposed to protect him_ , Captain Phasma's words rang out in your head.

On the Finalizer, when all of his stress finally came to a head and he attacked everything in sight. He stabbed a few Stormtroopers, his lightsaber tore through the circuits and plating of the walls. He yelled out into the corridors in pure fury, the voice modulator distorting the screams of rage. You had come almost immediately, since you were never too far away from Kylo. He tried to attack you in a fit of rage, and you were able to disarm him, tossing the disabled lightsaber down the hallway. It skid off in the opposite direction, and when Kylo tried to fight you, you held him into you. His stiffness crumbled immediately, and he fell to the ground. He screamed out in his mask again before letting out loud sobs, letting you hold him.

 _I can't protect someone who doesn't even want to protect themselves_ , you had said.

To Kylo, you were someone he tried to love. He sifted through his heart and emotions, trying to find the right ones to attach to you. He felt compassion for when you tried to mend his broken moments. He felt sorrow for when he felt your energies radiate sadness and defeat. Kylo couldn't tell anyone on the ship how many times he'd seen you with such plain body language, and then felt you walk into the next room and break down. Kylo tried to hide the way seeing you made him feel, the way that your hands on him made him feel.

Yet, here you were, not facing one another and not speaking. You had found Kylo Ren in his quarters with someone new, a redheaded woman who had once donned the First Order uniform, but it was crumpled in the floor. When you walked in on them, anger flooded you immediately. Kylo had stopped, and she turned to look at you in terror. You slammed the door so hard that it splintered around the handle, and found yourself going to the bridge, where you stayed standing and staring into deep space.

Hux had come by you, his hand resting gently on your shoulder while asking if you were alright. The First Order's ship, apparently, couldn't hold secrets in the walls for long. You didn't say anything to Hux, and Hux decided to leave you be. Kylo was the next one to try and talk to you, but upon seeing you weren't budging, he turned to the other viewport. Anger radiated from your body, and you could almost feel the red coloured energy seeping through the air from your heart. Finally, Kylo's deep voice called out to you.

“Are you ever going to speak to me?”

“Never again,” You spat, your arms crossed neatly behind your back while your black silk robes kept your stance terrifying.

You heard Kylo turn around, pausing briefly. You didn't budge. Kylo's footsteps across the slate grew closer and louder, and you wanted to find the audacity to slap him across the face. You wanted to toss his helmet into deep space after opening the air lock and kick him into the swirling vortex of zero gravity. You then felt Kylo picking your mind for something, anything to make you talk. That's when you found your audacity.

You turned to Kylo, shoving him back and watching him stumble. His helmet stared back at you, and your uncovered face glared at him. You felt heat rising in your face and chest, knowing that your anger was pushing pure fury. Kylo decided that you wouldn't treat him, your superior with such disrespect. So, he shoved you right back, twice as hard. You fell on your ass, looking up at him while he engaged his lightsaber and pointed it at you.

“Don't be a fool,” He spat at you.

“Fuck you!” You screamed at him, standing quickly and disengaging his helmet, tossing it across the room after tackling him to the floor.

“You're supposed to be protecting me!” Kylo shouted in your face while you pushed his shoulders into the floor and his hands found your throat.

“You shouldn't have betrayed me like that!” You hissed, smacking him across the face and then taking an elbow to his chest so the back of his head hit the floor.

“How was I supposed to know that you loved me?!” He bellowed, squeezing your throat tightly, making you cough.

He rolled the two of you, so you were underneath him. You pushed against his chest to no avail while his hands tightened their grip and you kicked your legs, letting out a strangled scream.

“All you do is pick my fucking brain, you should have known!” You choked out.

“You should have always known,” You whimpered, tears pricking your eyes while he continued to squeeze your throat, his rage getting the best of him.

“Say it!” Kylo growled, smacking the back of your head against the slate.

“Get the redhead to tell you she loves you!” Kylo moved his hands quickly again, smacking your head again.

“Don't be defiant!” He screamed before his grip carefully let up.

“Tell me how you feel.”

“I loved you,” You muttered, gasping for air and narrowing your eyes at him.

“You love me?” His voice was almost equally winded.

“Loved, it's past tense. Find someone else who will love you for the monster you are,” You sat up carefully, standing and storming off of the bridge.

Kylo was left there in silence, his only option to crumple to the floor again. He knew you'd loved him so fiercely, and he openly sobbed on the bridge because you were gone.

He loved so fiercely now, and you loved not at all.


End file.
